Traditions
The Ultimate Guide to Wedding Traditions
Where the rituals came from, which ones still mean something, and how to modernize what doesn't.
Quick answer
Wedding traditions carry weight only when they mean something to you. Keep the ones that do (they'll photograph beautifully because they'll be genuine), modify the ones that almost do, and quietly skip the ones you're only doing because someone expects it.
Key takeaways
The white dress is Queen Victoria
Not ancient tradition — 1840. Before that, brides wore their nicest dress in any color.
Something old, new, borrowed, blue
English rhyme from the late 1800s. The forgotten fifth line: "and a sixpence in her shoe."
Cake cutting is old
Roman couples broke a wheat loaf over the bride's head. Cake is a compromise.
First look isn't a tradition
It's a photographer's invention from about 2010. It's now in about 60% of weddings I photograph.
The processional and who walks whom
The tradition of the bride being "given away" by her father comes from a period when marriage was a property transfer. Most modern couples soften or replace it:
- Both parents walk the bride down the aisle.
- The couple walks each other down (increasingly common — I love this on camera).
- The couple walks separately, from opposite sides.
- Both partners are escorted by their own families.
Whatever you pick, tell your officiant not to say "who gives this woman." Substitute: "who supports this couple in their marriage?"
Attire traditions worth knowing
- White dress — Queen Victoria wore one in 1840 and set a trend. It has no ancient meaning; pick any color you love.
- Veil — originally to hide the bride from evil spirits (or an arranged groom seeing her face). Optional and heavy.
- Something old, new, borrowed, blue — English poem. Old = continuity, new = optimism, borrowed = borrowed happiness, blue = fidelity. Sixpence = prosperity.
- Groom not seeing bride before ceremony — from arranged marriages. First looks skip it entirely and give you an extra hour of daylight for photos.
Ceremony traditions
- Ring exchange — the circle as symbol of eternity dates to ancient Egypt.
- The kiss — Roman legal marker sealing the contract.
- Unity candle — 20th century American invention. Photographs poorly outdoors on windy days.
- Jumping the broom — West African and Black American tradition marking the passage into new life.
- Handfasting — Celtic. Where "tying the knot" comes from. Quiet and gorgeous.
- Breaking the glass — Jewish tradition marking the fragility of joy and remembrance of loss.
- Circling — in Jewish weddings, the bride circles the groom (or they circle each other) seven times.
Reception traditions
- First dance — 1800s European court tradition. Now a photo moment. Under 3 minutes is kinder to your guests.
- Father-daughter and mother-son dances — 20th century American. Optional and freely modifiable — dance with any parent figure or skip.
- Cake cutting — evolved from Roman wheat-breaking. Modern version: two hands on the knife, small slice, feed each other neatly.
- Bouquet toss — medieval; guests used to tear the bride's dress for luck, so the bouquet was a decoy. Increasingly skipped.
- Garter toss — often skipped now, and honestly, no one is sad.
- Speeches — order is traditionally: best man, maid of honor, father of the bride, groom, bride. Modify freely; cap each at 3 minutes.
How to modernize a tradition without offending anyone
- Explain the change in the program. Guests love context.
- Give the older tradition a small nod even if you're not keeping it. ("In place of the traditional bouquet toss, we're giving flowers to the longest-married couple here.")
- Tell your officiant the language you want. Never assume they'll intuit it.
- Do the ritual because it means something, not because someone will be sad if you don't. The photos know the difference.
Frequently asked
- Where did the white wedding dress come from?
- Queen Victoria's 1840 wedding to Prince Albert. Before that, brides wore their nicest dress in any color they liked.
- What does 'something old, new, borrowed, blue' mean?
- It's from a Victorian-era English rhyme. Old = continuity with family, new = optimism for the future, borrowed = borrowed happiness from a happy marriage, blue = fidelity. There's a forgotten fifth line: "and a sixpence in her shoe" — for prosperity.
- Do we have to have a first dance?
- No. Skip it, or turn the first dance into an invited-everyone dance from the first note. Both work beautifully.
- What is a first look and is it traditional?
- No — it's a photographer's convention from about 2010. It's the couple seeing each other privately before the ceremony. Now in about 60% of American weddings because it gives you an extra hour of daylight.
- Do we have to have the bride's father walk her down the aisle?
- No. Both parents, the couple together, or walking solo are all common and beautiful. Ask your officiant to skip "who gives this woman."